Worthless. Fat. Ugly. These are the things I thought constantly about myself as an adolescent. It all began around the age of about nine or ten years old. I have always felt different than my peers. The bullying and name calling set off a storm that would last for years to come. It wasn’t until high school that it eventually turned into an eating disorder. Nobody really knew about this horrible secret I was hiding besides my best friends and God. I felt hopeless; I honestly didn’t think I was worthy enough for anyone. It wasn’t until junior year, that God had a tremendous plan for me. At that time, I was in a very dark place, pretty much every conversation I had with my friends were “I’m fat, I’m ugly, and no guys will ever like me”. They had enough of my negativity and I knew it. I’d turn to food as a source of comfort. Only to purge it up once I felt full. The thing about an eating disorder is not everyone will look like the stereotypical bulimic or anorexic. Externally I looked fine, but internally dying inside. It wasn’t until the spring time of 2010, that my whole entire outlook on life and body image entirely changed. My parents wanted to find a new church, so one Sunday we went to the Cause Community Church in Orange County. For the junior high and high-schoolers they had an 11am service separate from the adults. That day after praise and worship the boys and girls split into what they call “D-groups” for bible study, group discussion, and prayer. I couldn’t believe the beautiful girls that I met that day. They each had such a positive and shining spirit that led me to want to be close to God again. After that week, I began to pray and ask God to help heal my body and mind. He led me to a place that was somewhat whole again. He also led me to a career that I never imagined I’d be able to pursue due to my appearance. Plus size modeling. Me, a model? Never. Well, my amazing friend Danny was an aspiring photographer at the time, and I wanted to do a photo shoot so we collaborated. Little by little each photo shoot, I saw a change in my smile, stance, and energy. I knew that this was a thing I needed to pursue. I used the photos we took, and sent them out to several agencies. A couple weeks later, I received two responses. One for a plus size clothing company, and another from an agency. Torrid was how I got my first experience as a model. A year later, I worked with Tyra Banks and Seventeen Magazine (which I still can’t believe). Months after that I signed my first contract with a professional agency. Surprisingly, modeling was a way for me to gain my confidence. I began to see that beauty wasn’t about the makeup, clothing, size, or looks. God knew that modeling would be a way for me to show the world the true definition of being, which is undefined. All of these experiences, from the age of ten till now have shaped me into the young woman that I’ve become. I wouldn’t say I’m happy that I had an eating disorder and faced depression but I’m glad that I was able to overcome it and use my platform as a way to inspire girls and guys battling similar issues. Now, I’m newly twenty-one and taking a break from the modeling world. I’m focusing on better myself and being the healthiest person I can be spiritually and physically. My goal will always be to uplift and encourage the younger generation. I’m so passionate about changing my generation and generations to come. I hope by the time I have children that body image won’t even be a topic of debate. Until then, I will strive to be a leader and positive light of God.
Christina is passionate about restoring value, purpose, identity and beauty to the young women of this generation. Follow- @beauty_hasnosize