As I was a mere eleven year old girl when my eating disorder commenced, I believe that an eating disorder is not a choice. Eating disorders choose their victims, silently and tactfully. With such precision that even the host has difficulty pin pointing even the slightest indication of an issue. Trying to feel like I fit in turned to giving up donuts when a peer brought them in to share with the class in celebration of their birthday. Eating half my plate turned into skipping meals entirely. Days with out eating and drinking developed into weekends of no food and so many sit-ups I got blisters on my behind. Only an eating disorder can trick a smart, responsible, little girl into a weak and clouded-minded kid into believing at 64 pounds she was too fat to be accepted and that not eating would solve the issue. I am now going on eight years since graduating the only eating disorder program that was willing to try their hand at saving my life. I was saved from the spell and tight grips of Anorexia and am here today to serve others in any way that I am capable.
My entire lifetime, I have been surrounded by loving family and friends, and grew up in a faith-filled community. To this day, I have no sense of where my eating disorder essentially “came from,” but I do know, however, that it came for a reason. My struggles with my eating disorder at such a young age made me the independent young woman I am today. Sensible, strong, courageous, and caring, are a few of my attributes that I would not trade the hands of my eating disorder for those years of my life back. I truly cherish the strength and self-awareness I have gained from defeating my eating disorder and in a sense feel blessed to have been prepared at such a young age to learn the value handling future struggles and obstacles with diligence persistence, and positivity.
As a student studying to obtain her Bachelor’s degree in Science and nursing, with dreams of becoming a registered nurse, I am prepared to dedicate the next chapter of my life to zealously serving others and comforting those in their time of need. My primary goal is to be an emulation of a healthy heart, mind, and soul, something my future patients will see and be inspired to make healthy changes for themselves.
Upon graduating from the eating disorder program back in October of 2006, I was read a poem from my therapist that truly changed my outlook on life and made me decide at that point what type of young woman I wanted to be. The poem is titled, “After a While” and is written by Veronica A. Shoffstall. My favorite verse reads, “plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers and you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth.” I think about this poem nearly every day and has taught me many things including handling failures with gracefulness and being my own source of happiness.
Personally, I do not feel that a recovery from an eating disorder means I will not have eating issues. I battle with eating issues every day, but I chose to not succumb to eating disorder affiliated actions. Furthermore, I am happy to say that though life is never perfect, I am living a beautiful, happy and recovered life.
At the age of 11 Emily developed an eating disorder. Read as Emily shares her journey through battling her eating disorder, her journey through recovery and the beauty that came from her brokenness. Recovery is possible.
Christina is passionate about restoring value, purpose, identity and beauty to the young women of this generation. Follow- @beauty_hasnosize