Why Don't You Think I Am Beautiful?
Why don’t you think I am beautiful?
Why don’t you think I am beautiful? Is a phrase we all often ask ourselves. For some people we are too tall, for others we are too short, for others we are not tan enough, skinny enough, or blonde enough. This never ending cycle of wanting to be beautiful in the eyes of others has plagued the minds and hearts of girls and women everywhere.
Yesterday I got off the phone with a school counselor from Rialto, and he began to tell me about how he is constantly getting young girls in his office to are telling him that they feel ugly, fat and worthless. He went on to say that these girls are some of the prettiest girls in the school, who have healthy families who speak encouragement into their lives and who are constantly telling them that they are beautiful. So what is the problem, what is causing these young 6th girls to believe that they are not good enough, skinny enough, or pretty enough?
The answer…the media and their peers. Their peers are constantly looking at images in the media that are perfect, so as a result they measure everyone in their life to the perfect images in the media. Boys expect girls to look like Victoria secret models, the stars they see on Disney channel, and the models in the magazines. Other girls at school expect their friends to wear the most trendy clothes, have their hair and makeup perfectly done, with the latest phones in order to have them in their group of friends. Needless to say the ticket for acceptance and love in our society has been based off of our perfect outer appearance. This constant strive for perfection has driven many girls crazy. I mean..who can have their hair and makeup perfectly done, with the trendiest clothes on all the time? Well..no one..not even teen stars Kendall and Kylie Jenner. On social media now days, we often put out a perfect image of ourselves, because we want people to see a painted image of us, and we hide who we really are. Our social media accounts rarely reflect the real us. Authenticity has become less and less popular. Most of us want to be authentic, but in our airbrushed, needing to be perfect world, it’s hard to be perfect.
So what do we do about this? When we feel not beautiful enough for the people around us, for our peers, and boys at school? We stop trying to be good enough, we stop trying to measure up to everyone’s standards, and we go on a journey to discover what makes us beautiful. We must choose to mute the negative voices and comments from others in our life. And we must choose to turn up the volume of those who truly love us and celebrate us. We need to stop measuring ourselves and others to a false airbrushed images we see in the media, and we need to start embracing the authentic beauty that we all carry. Everyone will have a different beauty. Someone will have a beauty that is tall, some short, others curvy, some skinny, and others medium. What makes us all different is what makes us all beautiful. so let’s stop the self-hate and start the self-love. Choose to see what is beautiful in you, so that you can learn how to see the beauty in others.
We are all worth celebrating, and remember….YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
By Christina Boudreau
Founder of www.beautyhasnosize.com
Miriam Tells Her Story Of Overcoming Cutting and Loosing Her Dad At A Young Age.
I have never felt beautiful. I’ve always measured myself against other people’s standards. Comparing my body image to others has always been my one ‘fatal flaw.’ I seek acceptance and love from anyone and everyone at all times. Constantly trying to be perfect and look perfect. It is exhausting.
I blame my need for perfection on the fact that my dad passed away when I was 13. He had been battling cancer since I was 2 years old. 13 is a very critical age. It’s the time when you are officially a teenager. When you are developing physically, emotionally, and mentally. Throw in the middle of that the loss of your hero, it takes a toll on a person. I became severely depressed. My mom was so depressed that she didn’t see what I was turning into. I became extremely introverted. Not opening up to anyone and shutting out my family. I became rebellious and resentful towards my mom for not seeing what was happening to me. At a certain point I gave up spiritually and stopped being a Christian. I still believed in God, but He wasn’t my god anymore.
At 15 years old I became a cutter. The next three years of my life were the darkest I have ever known. I lived for the physical pain that I could cause myself because the emotional pain was just too much. The cuts had a sick demented way of turning my emotional pain into a pain that I could actually see. The devil told me that I was ugly. That my dad died because he didn’t love me anymore. He convinced me that I was worthless, stupid, not beautiful. He was a liar. But I bought his lies. I wanted to die.
One night as I was laying in my bed, I cried out to God. It had been about two years after he had passed away and I was still furious with God. I started yelling at Him and asking Him why He took away my dad. Never in my life have I felt more sure about what happened next. God gave me a beautiful dream. In my dream we were all standing in the waiting room of heaven. God would pick up each person individually and either send them into heaven or back on earth. I saw countless people, people that I even knew, being sent into heaven and I remember praying that I would be sent to heaven too. When it came to be my turn God picked me up and just smiled. I started crying and begging Him to let me go to heaven and join my dad now. God just looked at me and said, “Miriam, no. It is not your time yet. It was your dad’s time to join me but it is not yet yours. I have great plans for you. Plans that you have no idea are even coming. I have so much more for you to do, I need you back on earth.” He set me down and the next thing I knew I was crying in my bed.
That was a turning point in my life. Did I still struggle with cutting and depression, yes. It was not an overnight cure but it was a life-changing moment. In the past being a cutter was what defined me, it was who I was. But not anymore. In that moment I knew, I knew I was special. I knew that God had a plan and a purpose for my life. And I knew that I was beautiful.
It has now been two years since I have stopped cutting and I have never felt more free in my life. I have a stronger relationship with God than I have ever had before. I’m not gonna lie, this journey has been heartbreaking. I lost my best friends over it. I lost my entire group of friends over it. I even lost a mentor over it. But I never lost God and I never lost my identity. I know who I am in Christ and that is a beautiful daughter. God loves me and has made me beautiful in my own special way and that is enough.
I am now about to complete my sophomore year at Oral Roberts University. I am studying Psychology so that I can help mentor other girls who are going through the same thing that I went through. I have two blogs where I talk about college life, coffeepluscollege.tumblr.com and about true inner beauty. ( outsmartingthewolves.tumblr.com ) I am even writing a book right now that is about redefining and rewiring the way that we see beauty. God is so good and so faithful and I am so in love with Him. I’m only 19 years old but the journey to get where I am now has made me feel a lot older. I am beyond excited for the unknown in front of me, and so glad that my past does not define me. I am not worthless. I am not stupid. I am not a cutter. I am not
fatherless. I am a daughter of the one high King. His beloved. I am smart. I am valuable. I Am Beautiful.
Christina is passionate about restoring value, purpose, identity and beauty to the young women of this generation. Follow- @beauty_hasnosize