Be Your Own Kind Of Beautiful
Find your own kind of beautiful outside the pages of a magazine, and inside the pages of your heart. Dare to be BOLD, dare to be BRILLIANT, dare to be RADIANT, dare to be YOU.
I will not apologize for not being skinny enough
I will not apologize for not being pretty enough
I will not apologize for not having long enough hair
For not having skin that is clear enough
Or a waist that is small enough
My whole life I tried to be good enough for other people, till the point where I couldn't take it anymore. Measuring up to other people's expectations lead me down a dark path of suicide, that the only the love of God was able to rescue me from. I tried to be skinny enough for the boys, fashionable enough for the girls, and smart enough for the people around me. All my efforts lead me down a path of perfectionism that gave me a one way ticket to an eating disorder facility. At the time I didn't understand that I used my eating disorder as a release for not feeling good enough. I starved myself to achieve an image of perfection that I believed would buy me acceptance, love and applause. I binge ate and threw up my food when my efforts weren't good enough, and cut myself when I was rejected. Rejected for my body by boys, rejected for not being skinny enough for them, talented enough for them, or fashionable enough for them. I was not the girl they saw in the magazines, I was my own kind of beautiful.
"You beat to your own drum," my therapist Susan said at Loma Linda hospital. Daily she reminded me that there was no one else like me, and that there will never be anyone else like me. She would often tell me that I reminded her of her daughter. Her daughter was tall, curvy, and her own person. She walked with her head held high, and shoulders back, because she was confident in the person she was born to be. Even though I loved bohemian clothing, with headbands, and crazy jewelry, inside I wasn't able to fully embrace myself because I felt like people didn't fully embrace me. I fought for acceptance, and rebelled against society by creating my own style. In an effort to fit in, I chose to be set apart and create my own kind of beautiful so that I could stand out.
My unique clothing style helped me to express the creativity inside of my heart, it was my outlet when I had no outlet. Drumming, surfing, and running around barefoot was my cry for freedom when all I knew was pain. I was able to discover that I wasn't created for perfectionism, I was created to be free, created to be me, created to be outside of the box, and created to beat to my own drum as my therapist called it.
From that point on, I became my own kind of beautiful. Along the way I wanted to abandon my crazy style, and colorful clothing for dim colors, because I wanted to fit in. But people along the way would come along and remind me to not give up who I am in an effort to be accepted.
Even now, I am not what society considers ideal beauty, but that it okay with me, I am my own kind of beautiful. I have allowed my style to evolve over time with my personality, and I have given myself permission to just be me.
My encouragement to everyone is to be authentic to who you are, don't change yourself because you want to fit in. Be bold with your style, personality, and life. Find your own kind of beautiful outside the pages of a magazine, and inside the pages of your heart. Dare to be bold, dare to be brilliant, dare to be radiant, dare to be YOU.
Christina is passionate about restoring value, purpose, identity and beauty to the young women of this generation. Follow- @beauty_hasnosize