Curve Confessions

Curve Confessions

"You are more then enough...JUST as you are"
             
         Growing up I wasn't like the other girls at school. Most young women hit
puberty in middle school, or high school and well...I hit puberty at the age of
9. Having a woman's body in the 4th grade wasn't popular, nor was it considered
beautiful. As a competitive swimmer I was working out 2 hours a day, 5 days a
week and I was still a size 12 on a 5'9" frame. I had big strong thighs, hips,
and curves. In the 4th grade was when the bullying began. The kids at school began calling me names,
  which gave me a one way ticket to becoming the reject of my school. Running
  home from school one day, I looked in the mirror, and saw myself through the
  eyes of those who had made fun of me. Needless to say, my hatred for my body
  began that day at the age of 9. I began working out at the gym at the age of
12, on top of my 2 hour swim practices to get thinner. When that didn't work, I
  began dieting, and when dieting didn't work, I began to starve myself. My
  hatred for my curves, thighs, butt and hips grew over the years as anorexia
  developed into bulimia. All I saw when I passed by the magazines in the stores
  were diet adds promoting flat stomachs, and women who were able to stand with
  their feet together and still have a thigh gap. 
             
     I hated my body, and believed that no man could ever love me for my
shape. Who told me this? The media. It was plastered all over the commercials,
billboard ads, and magazines. These messages screamed out to young women all
over the world including me, telling us that we need to be thin, with the
perfect body to be accepted and loved by a man. Then one say something struck
me, if I couldn't learn how to love my body then how can I expect a man to love
my body. These negative messages destroyed the way I thought about myself and
the way I saw myself. So in order to change the way I saw myself, I needed to
change the mirror I was looking into. When I looked into the mirror of society,
all I saw were flaws. But when I looked into the mirror of Gods eyes, all saw
was the beautiful creation I was made to be. I didn’t see what I wasn’t, I saw
what I WAS. 

      My  journey to self acceptance and self love continued even after recovering from
eating disorders at the age of 18. I have learned along the way, that comparing
myself to others will kill the way I see myself. Even now when I pass by the
magazines at the store, or see the perfect models in the windows at the mall. I
am still tempted to change my body to look like theirs, in order to be accepted,
loved and validated. When this happens, I continually go back to the canvas of
my life, and ask God to help me see myself the way He does. When I do this, I am
able to see myself through his eyes. Resulting in me being able to see myself as
beautiful, just as He sees me as beautiful and understanding in my heart that I
am more then enough…just as I am. 
          
     Remember girls, thigh gaps, hip bones sticking out, and a flat stomach
can't buy you happiness. It can't buy you popularity, acceptance, love or true
peace. I have met models in the modeling industry who have the thigh gap, hip
bones sticking out, and a flat stomach. Yet still they don't feel good enough,
beautiful enough, or happy. I have also seen girls when I was in rehab for my
eating disorder, who were starved down to the bone. Yet still even at 80 pounds,
the thigh gap, and flat stomach didn't buy them the happiness the media promised
them. You can go on all the diets and exercise plans in the world. But if you
don't make a choice to love yourself from the inside out, those things will
never make you happy. Choose today to love the person you were born to be,
choose to focus on what you love about your body instead of what you hate about
your body. Self love can't be bought in a diet pill or wardrobe...it's found by
having a loving relationship with the person you were born to be.