Christina Talks About Unmasking Her Identity As A Model, And Finding Her Worth In Gods Eyes and Not In The Pictures She Takes.
“I need you to change it up, that pose isn’t working, you have done that pose already, suck your stomach in, that one isn’t working.” Every time I step in front of a camera, it’s a comparison game. I am not reminded of who I am, but about who I am not. All of my flaws are magnified through the lens of a camera and onto the screen of a computer. From the runways, to TV appearances, and clothing campaigns of the modeling world. The truth is…there are very few moments that I actually feel beautiful in this industry. There is always another model sizing you up, and you sit there staring at the floor at your casting, realizing that there is someone next to you who is more beautiful, with bigger boobs, and who poses better than you in front of the camera. Just when you think your portfolio is complete, a girl rolls up and has better pictures than you. Just when you think your agents are happy with you, they want more. More pictures, clearer skin, and a better body.
This is the roller coaster of the modeling industry that I have been in for the past 7 years. Why am I still in it you ask? Because I want to be an authentic person and voice in an unauthentic industry. When the world sees the modeling industry they see lights..camera..action. They see glamour, money, fame, and perfect beauty. What they don’t know is that the modeling industry is far from those things. That is what the world sees on the outside, but once you peel away the mask of the modeling industry, you see the truth. You see young 13 year old girls sexualizing themselves to get the jobs, you see models starving themselves to keep contracts, the comparison game, models who are treated like hangers more than people, shallow conversations, people loosing site of who they are in order to get ahead, and models feeling like yesterday’s leftovers because someone who was prettier and thinner came onto the scene who is now working for their client instead of them. You have girls finding their self-worth in a photo shopped photo of them self, and in the pay checks they earn.
After 7 years in this industry and being signed with some of the top agencies in the world, I can honestly say that I too fell prey to many things. I compared myself to others, and was always left feeling empty and not beautiful enough. Because there was always another girl who had better pictures, bigger boobs, a better body, and better poses. I found myself finding my identity and self-worth in the pictures I took, the jobs I booked, and the contracts I had. All the contracts, pictures, campaigns, and TV appearances in the world didn’t make me feel beautiful, valued, or precious. In fact it left me empty, longing for attention, and feeling unworthy. When a top agent signed you, you feel good about yourself, but when you don’t book the jobs and when your pictures don’t measure up. They throw you out. To the modeling world you are disposable, and replaceable. You are just a mannequin to them, that they dress up, display their clothing, and take down the next day.
Its honestly the saddest place I have ever seen, with some of the most empty people I have ever met. In an industry where everyone wants to be seen, and noticed. I have learned that I am already seen, noticed, and known by God. He doesn’t determine my worth by the pictures I take, the jobs I book, or the paychecks I get. He reminds me of what I am and who I am and not what I am not. I have found the greatest peace and beauty by looking into the eyes of heaven. My identity can’t be found in the modeling industry because it’s a world that is temporary. I have chosen to place my identity in the eyes of the Father of heaven who calls me His royal daughter.
To all the girls out there who want to be seen, noticed, and known. God sees you, notices you and knows you. You are known by Him, and He desires to make you the princess of His heart. Don’t find your identity in a teenage boy who doesn’t know who He is, or in how many followers you have on social media, or in a picture you take of yourself. Those things will fade, but the crown you wear as God’s daughter will never fade.
Founder of Beauty Has No Size
Christina is passionate about restoring value, purpose, identity and beauty to the young women of this generation. Follow- @beauty_hasnosize