Looking in the mirror I would say to myself "your fat, your ugly, your disgusting, look at those thighs, your hips are ginormous, no one will ever love you, your a beast." This continual negative self talk is what I experienced on a daily basis during the 7 years I battled with anorexia and bulimia. It was 24 hour tape recorder of self hate talk that never seemed to end. An endless dark tunnel that never had any hint of light at the end of it.
I hated what I saw in the mirror and who saw in the mirror. I hated the shape of my body, I hated that my butt and hips were so big that it made it nearly impossible to find jeans. My butt and hips were big before the Kardashians made it cool to have a big butt with hips. The hourglass shape was not trending on my jr high or high school campus by any means. The straight figure, with a huge thigh gap, and hip bones sticking out WAS what was trending on my jr high and high school campuses.
After recovering from eating disorders at the age of 18, I still battled to fully accept my shape and by body even into my twenties. As a plus size model I was apart of an industry that celebrated my size, but when I entered into the real world outside of the modeling industry. I was apart of a world of small, petite and skinny. I always felt larger then everyone around me, not just in height but in my size and built. You see I have a big bone structure and I have curves on top of my 5 foot 10 frame. Which in the main stream media or real life is not trendy or trending. No matter how many people told me I was beautiful I struggled to believe their words, I would look in the mirror, grab my thighs and wish they would disappear and become smaller. I would turn around and look at my butt in the mirror and wish that it was smaller.
Like myself many of you may also struggle with seeing the beauty in your body shape. Your arch enemy may be the bathroom mirror every morning or the bathroom scale that never seems to go down no matter how much you work out or eat healthy. You may battle with the frame of your body because you can't fit into certain trends, or because you feel like you don't look good in a bikini while all the girls at the beach do. This battle you face with your body may have lead you to take unhealthy measures to loose weight such as over exercising , taking laxatives, diet pills, starving yourself or throwing up your food.
That is where the battle with my body lead me. So what do you do if you battle with the shape of your body?
Here are some things to encourage you with
1. YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL - Regardless of what the media says, the size of your pants are, the number on the scale says, or what you see in the bathroom mirror. You were made perfectly, intricately like a beautiful tapestry and beautifully by your Creator.
2. CELEBRATE YOUR SIZE - Get around other women and young women who are celebrating their sizes and who don't talk negatively about their size. If you don't have these women in your life, find an Instagram account, Facebook page, or blogging community of people who are promoting body positivity and not self hatred. Your environment and what you allow into your world will affect the way you see yourself. Being around others who use uplifting words towards themselves and others will help create that culture within you.
3. POSITIVE SELF TALK- I want to encourage all of you to stand in front of the mirror with your panties and bra and speak life over yourself. Point out 10 things you love about your body instead of pointing out 10 things you hate about your body. It can look like this "thighs you are beautiful because you are strong, height you are amazing, lips you are full and beautiful, eyes you are exquisite and shine".
4. HEALTHY COMMUNITY - Who are the friends you hang out with? Are you apart of a community of women who are constantly talking about their obsessive diets, or are you apart of a community of women who see health and fitness in a balanced healthy way. Who leave room for imperfections and who celebrate the process of getting to where they need to be. There is a difference and you want to be apart of a community of women who want to be healthy out of love for their body and not because they hate their body.
5. EMBRACE MY SISTER EMBRACE - Love your body as it changed over time, learn how to embrace your size by learning to see the beauty in how your body functions. Speak positive affirming words over your body and yourself. Post positive post it notes in your car, bathroom mirror and reminders on your phone.
These are steps I have taken in my own life in my recovery towards learning how to love the shape of my body. Below is an outfit for this week's fashion blog post on how I have learned how to dress in a way that tells my body that I love it, celebrate it, and that makes me feel fabulous.
Fashion Blog Post
This spring polka dots, and pleather/leather is trending. The mix between grunge and fem is found on runways and store campaigns everywhere!
In this outfit I have
1. Polka Dot Bomber Jacket- That I got from Forever 21, and that you can also get from stores like Charlotte Russe, Target, Nordstrom or H and M.
2. Pleather Pants - From H and M that I decided to pair with this bomber jacket and a black tank from Forever 21 for a casual grunge fem look.
3. Black Ankle Vans Tennis Shoes - That I paired with this outfit for a casual look.
Occasion Occasion Occasion - For this look you can pair it with some black ankle boots for a more dressed up look, or vans like I did for a more casual look.
Remember my friends, to love your body, to embrace your size, to celebrate your creativity and to love the shape of your body!!
Christina is passionate about restoring value, purpose, identity and beauty to the young women of this generation. Follow- @beauty_hasnosize